Day 299 - Landing on the other side

New projects, new purpose, new dreams, new me. After almost a year of spiritual and communal deep dive, it's time to step back into the world. Although very differently this time.

As the last days of summer is coming to an end and fall now officially takes over, I find myself in a fittingly similar transition.

I feel fantastic. 

In fact, I think I feel better than I have done in years.

Why?

The biggest thing remains that a couple of very large weights have been lifted off my shoulders. 

First one being that I left the responsibility of running a financially struggling start-up with a team and investors, that had me go through the most challenging year of my life last year with a burn-out. 

Second, having finally gained some distance to the attachment of my previous partner, after basically a one year long break-up.

I have gotten the break from ”normal” life that I needed since last fall, and have had the privilege to focus on nothing else but myself for these past 10 months.

I feel recovered, stronger than I ever have been before. Wiser, kinder, more loving. I feel free, and at peace. Filled with so much faith and trust that my life will be just how it’s supposed to be. No point in thinking too much about it.

I got the question how it feels now to come back to ”normal life” after such a long spiritually explorative immersion.

Fact is, that transition was not easy.

Coming back to Stockholm, my whole system felt unease. 

It felt like it was very clearly telling me that this is not the place where I am supposed to be right now. I almost felt a bit trapped by the concrete, the crowds of people stressfully on their way somewhere, and the generally close-minded and cold Swedish culture.

So I listened.

Again, I faced the challenge of uncertainty and being in the unknown.

I had a bit of a plan but as that plan was crumbling, I found myself feeling stuck.

I observed the anxiety rising in my body, the unease and discomfort from not knowing, not being in control.

I observed myself wanting to escape, spending more time on my phone.

I sat with it. Let it be like that. For a while.

Then I reminded myself that indecisiveness is the worst state to be in, and that it’s more important to take action and gain forward-momentum, than to take the right action.

So I left.

I jumped on an overnight train going south from Stockholm to Germany. I booked it in the morning and arrived the morning after.

And immediately I felt peace.

I was reminded how much I love being on the road, filled with a sense of adventure.

But also just how important forward-momentum is for my energy and wellbeing. To keep moving. Not necessarily physically, but to take decisions and move from one thing to the other, avoiding getting stuck in indecisiveness. 

The power of momentum of energy really is underestimated. It is more important to keep moving than necessarily taking the right decisions all the time.

Yesterday, I was strolling around in a beautiful park and it hit me how I am living the life I have dreamt about for so long.

To have the freedom to be anywhere I want in the world, to work on several exciting projects with inspiring people and that I feel passionate about, but more importantly where I am meaningfully contributing to the creation of a better world and future.

I am now the founder and owner of several companies, and I get to jump between different teams and projects. That variation gives me so much energy.

I also have a clearer sense of direction, and a clearer sense of my life purpose and what I want to build, and do.

I am right now working on several projects that lie in the cross roads of personal transformation and community building. I don’t know if there are any two other topics that I feel more passionate about or have devoted more of my free time to.

But I have also started to finally believe in myself, the wisdom I have gathered so far through my rich life experience, and my energy and ability to transmit it.

I have started working on my dream to become a full time ”story-teller”, or content creator as it would be called today. Well maybe not full-time, but I’d love to devote perhaps half of my time to this.

I know this is a long journey. 

I know that it’s key for me to find a way of doing this that I love so much that the outcome will never really matter. 

I know that I cannot see this as another project, or a mission. This has to become my lifestyle. So I need to find a way that really resonates with me and how I want to live my life.

When I left my company and previous life last fall I started this personal newsletter/blog. I love writing, always have. 

About a week ago I went live with a new content format on my new instagram account @Rayofmana, where I am sharing daily hand written reflections, reminders and encouragements.

I am feeling a lot of curiosity and creative lust around producing a weekly podcast with 5-15min episodes reflecting on different topics, but that also feel like an immersive guided experience to connect inwards.

I know that there are so many people doing these things. I know how difficult it is to ”succeed” and get to a point where these things can financially sustain a person enough to fully dedicate oneself to it. 

But I also know that there will be people who will resonate with me, my energy and way of expression. The mindset, perspective and wisdom that comes through me might land differently or deeper with them, than if it had come through someone else. 

I know that even if there are thousands of others doing the same thing, all humans are unique and therefore nobody will be doing it exactly like me. And there will be some people on this planet that will resonate more strongly with me than with the others.

That’s why it will still matter and make a difference.

I also know that I don’t need to have it all figured out, to have a great plan or even a clear niche at the start. 

I know now by experience and wisdom that the most important thing is to take action, move forward, learn, adapt and progress. 

I know that as long as I stay in love with the process enough for the outcome to not really matter, I will find my way. More importantly, it will be a life I will love living.

I know that I will provide the most value to the world not by forcing my own vision or plan, but to stay humbly open to listen to the needs, longings and desires of the world around me, and within me.

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Some of the daily posts from my new IG journey

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Right now I feel fantastic because my body is filled with peace, joy, gratitude, inspiration and hope. 

Hope not only for my own future, but also for the world and humanity. Our species is awakening at an exponential pace, I see it so much more around me, and I feel so much purpose and meaning to be part of contributing to that fundamental shift in how we see ourselves, and how we live, connect, organize and thrive as one.

Love and light your way,

Philip